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phoenixbird
Junior Member
Posts: 14
Registered: 03-04-2008 Location: SW Missouri
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posted on 03-04-2008 at 11:41 |
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24F and would like to lose it
I'm 24 and female. I would like to lose it but when I date someone and are even physically close to them, I freeze up. Any advice? Have I just not found the right guy?
I feel like a freak. :(
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htownmike
Member
Posts: 39
Registered: 01-13-2008 Location: Houston
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posted on 03-05-2008 at 20:45 |
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hi
I kinda feel the same way. You just have the find the right guy that will be patient with you when it gets to that point in you guys relationship. Just don't rush anything. That's my best advice, hope that helps you.
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plpaulo
Newbie
Posts: 2
Registered: 03-08-2008 Location: New york city
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posted on 03-08-2008 at 23:55 |
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same
Same feeling here. I'm 22 and I'm at a high pace speed looking for a career and meeting new people that it's hard to keep a steady relationship with anyone.
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Blank_Wall
Member
Posts: 43
Registered: 02-09-2007 Location: Houston, TX
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posted on 03-27-2008 at 10:22 |
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You are NOT a freak
'I'm 24 and female. I would like to lose it but when I date someone and are even physically close to them, I freeze up. Any advice? Have I just not found the right guy?
I feel like a freak. :('
I think it's appalling how some virgins feel like "freaks" simply because they
have never had sex - and how some people would think badly of them
for being someone who has never had sex.
IMO: This sort of attitude is a ringing condemnation of the prevailing
cultural norm.
phoenixbird: You are NOT a freak. Believe it or not, there are some people
who still value virginity, and would desire to have a virgin for a relationship
partner - and for reasons that have nothing to do with religion.
I should know: I am one of those people - and I wouldn't want anyone who isn't
a virgin.
What you need is a guy who can understand you - who knows that he needs
to take it VEEEERRRRRY SLOOOOOWWWWWWLY with you.
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phoenixbird
Junior Member
Posts: 14
Registered: 03-04-2008 Location: SW Missouri
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posted on 03-27-2008 at 14:23 |
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re
Thanks for the encouraging words everyone. :)
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Blank_Wall
Member
Posts: 43
Registered: 02-09-2007 Location: Houston, TX
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posted on 03-28-2008 at 08:47 |
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Do you have (m)any friends?
'Thanks for the encouraging words everyone. :)'
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Look at the bright side: At least you're getting dates.
I've never even had THAT.
I'm about as much of a virgin as anyone could possibly be.
You name it, I haven't done it.
Phoenixbird: Do you have (m)any friends?
Are you someone who makes friends easily?
Someone who can socialize is someone who will have a good
chance in finding somebody to love (eventually).
If you're at least average in terms of physical attractiveness,
you'll get plenty of male attention - and being physically
attractive usually means just keeping the weight off.
A "Lean Linda" will get A LOT more male attention than
a "Porky Patty" - that's just a fact of life.
(I only wish it were that simple for myself.)
If you're a physically-attractive, female-type person,
then your chances are good that you'll find that "someone
special" eventually - just so long as you can be patient
- and not delude yourself into believing that the guy that
you happen to be dating at the time is "the one" for you
(when he really isn't).
There are some things worse than being alone, and being in
a bad relationship is one of them. Everyone has their flaws,
and the main point in dating is to try and figure out what
those flaws are, and try to determine if mitigating those
flaws would be a problem within whatever kind of a
relationship that you might have with that person.
A major part of my own problem is that I am someone who has
a lot of defects and deficiencies, so (based on that fact
alone) it's understandable that I have always been alone
- and I really wouldn't blame any woman who would keep their
distance from me - especially when she would have better options
in terms of potential relationship partners.
The Bottom Line is this: If a guy REALLY DOES love you, then
he will take it slow with you - he will be patient with you
- and he will be understanding with you - and with whatever
problems that you might have with regards to intimate contact.
... and the main issue here isn't really sex and virginity,
but in finding somebody to love.
Do you have much in the way of religious beliefs?
If so, there is always the option of joining a church.
I was brought up to be a "Good Little Christian",
but I've since shed those superstitions - once I began
to think for myself - once I developed a logical mind.
In a way, it's one of the greatest factors that has kept
me alone. If a guy insists upon a virgin girl, then his
best option would be to look for them in churches - and
finding a virgin girl that doesn't have much in the way of
religious beliefs is well neigh impossible.
Religious types place a MUCH higher value upon virginity
than those who are not of that persuasion, so you'd find
plenty of guys that would prefer a virgin girl within
that social sphere. I suppose that I _could_ cop a
religion to find someone, but that would be dishonest.
... and I would rather be alone than to get involved
with a religious type.
... and being alone isn't so bad once you get used to it.
Keep us posted as to how things go with you.
Success stories are always welcomed within this group,
and failures always treated with compassion and understanding.
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phoenixbird
Junior Member
Posts: 14
Registered: 03-04-2008 Location: SW Missouri
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posted on 03-29-2008 at 20:37 |
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to blank
I do have friends I go out with occasionally. I really haven't made much of an effort the last year because two of my best friends were rooming with me so we just hung out all the time, and now that they're gone I don't really want to make much of an effort because I'm planning on moving in the next few months. I guess I make friends fairly easily, though I'm pretty introverted so it's kind of a strain, emotionally.
That's true that most women are okay looking if they're thin, though I never do know what guys think about me. I'm fairly thin and okay looking I guess. I'm probably too picky. Most people stay in their "league", and I guess I don't like most of the guys in mine. I'm not that genuinely attracted to very many people.
I agree about being alone better than being in a bad relationship -- I always told myself I would rather be alone than settle, but as I get older, I'm not so sure. I see a lot of people who seem like they settle.
By the way, you can't say you have too many defects! Everyone has a lot of defects. I could write you a long list of mine. The point is to find someone whose defects complement your defects so you can function reasonably well together.
I'm not religious at all, and I couldn't stand the kind of people I'd meet in a church. Most people outside the church think virginity after a certain age is odd.
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Blank_Wall
Member
Posts: 43
Registered: 02-09-2007 Location: Houston, TX
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posted on 03-30-2008 at 15:32 |
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Do not concern yourself with the opinions of idiots
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I do have friends I go out with occasionally. I really haven't made much of
an effort the last year because two of my best friends were rooming with me
so we just hung out all the time, and now that they're gone I don't really
want to make much of an effort because I'm planning on moving in the next
few months.
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Are you moving to another city?
... or small town perhaps?
What is your line of employment?
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I guess I make friends fairly easily, though I'm pretty introverted so it's
kind of a strain, emotionally.
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Are you someone who really wants to make any friends?
Do you have any passions in your life?
IOW: What do you live for?
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That's true that most women are okay looking if they're thin, though I never
do know what guys think about me. I'm fairly thin and okay looking I guess.
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I’m about 6'1", and a semi-muscular 220 pounds - I could stand to shed some tonnage
- and I intend to once I’ve gotten my life in order. A part of my problem is that
I’m not very attractive. I’ve encountered several people that have told me that I’m
“mean-looking” - and I guess they have a point - I do look like a thug or something.
Below are links to my “mug shots”:
http://i110.photobucket.com/albums/n109/Wally_989/ME/DSC01472.jpg
http://i110.photobucket.com/albums/n109/Wally_989/ME/DSC01476.jpg
http://i110.photobucket.com/albums/n109/Wally_989/ME/DSC01140-1.jpg
http://i110.photobucket.com/albums/n109/Wally_989/ME/DSC01139.jpg
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I'm probably too picky. Most people stay in their "league", and I guess I don't
like most of the guys in mine.
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What is wrong with them?
What do you want in a relationship partner?
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I'm not that genuinely attracted to very many people.
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I’m not someone who cares much for socialization, but that is mainly a consequence
of my problems.
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I agree about being alone better than being in a bad relationship -- I always
told myself I would rather be alone than settle, but as I get older, I'm not
so sure. I see a lot of people who seem like they settle.
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... and I’ve known several people who regretted doing it.
As long as you take care of yourself, and remain at least somewhat physically
attractive, you’ll have plenty of opportunities, but you may have to take the
initiative if you should ever encounter the introverted type of guy that I
believe that you’d be most compatible with - you may have to make the first
move with someone like that.
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By the way, you can't say you have too many defects! Everyone has a lot of
defects. I could write you a long list of mine.
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OK - let’s see that list.
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The point is to find someone
whose defects complement your defects so you can function reasonably well together.
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It’s not as simple as that.
As I’ve stated several times in this group now: It’s likely that I’m afflicted
with Aspergers Syndrome, which means that I’m socially retarded to an extent.
I’m someone who is difficult to understand, and who tends to inadvertently hurt
people with some of the things that I say or do - which is the main reason why
I don’t like to socialize - it isn’t a pleasant experience for me when I’m almost
constantly on guard with myself - trying to catch myself before I make another
social gaffe that will add to the list of incidences that have haunted me for
most of my life.
IOW: I absolutely HATE myself when I do things like that, so I try to avoid
social situations where I would be prone to make any more gaffes.
A major part of my problem is that I have a poor sense for boundaries.
I don’t have much in the way of a personality - almost robotic in nature
- a veritable “Blank Wall”. I doubt that there are very many girls that
I would desire to have a relationship with that would desire TO have a
relationship with someone such as myself. I prefer the shy, withdrawn,
introverted types, but those are the types that are the most difficult to
locate - as those are the types that don’t tend to congregate much where
they could be discovered (by their very nature) - and those are the types
that are more easily hurt. It’s quite a conundrum when you think about it.
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I'm not religious at all, and I couldn't stand the kind of people I'd meet in
a church. [smile] Most people outside the church think virginity after a certain
age is odd.
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I know - and that is what I find to be so appalling.
I don’t care as to what other people think of me. I’m quite open over the fact
that I’m a virgin. It’s a good litmus test; If anyone thinks badly of me for
being a virgin, then that indicates to me that the person making that assessment
is some kind of an idiot.
If you’re worried about being perceived as a “freak” for being a virgin,
then I have a word of advice for you: Don’t.
I believe that it would be such a waste to throw away your virginity like that
just to gain the respect of idiots - it isn’t worth it - not by a long shot.
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phoenixbird
Junior Member
Posts: 14
Registered: 03-04-2008 Location: SW Missouri
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posted on 03-30-2008 at 19:12 |
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re
I'm graduating from grad school in May and I'm planning on moving to AZ... because I can't stand the winter. What does IOW mean? I don't know what I live for -- that would be great to find out! It would probably help me find a career. I do like having friends, though I prefer a few close friends to many acquaintances. I'll make an effort when I move. Hopefully I'll meet some people through work.
You made me laugh with saying you're mean looking. I totally get that too. I HATE it when people tell me to smile, though I haven't gotten that for a few years. It's just my face! My internet's being stupid so I can't load your pictures right now but I will later.
I was actually thinking about my list of defects last night. Since you asked:
Anxiety/OCD, which is pretty well under control with medication, but when it flares up, it irritates others by me being focused on myself, paranoid, and emotionally needy, in that I constantly seek reassurance.
Stubborn on some things
Indecisive
Lazy, sometimes
there's more, but I'm tired right now.
So see, everyone has a list.
My brother has Asperger's. It's not a bad case but it is noticeable socially. He's smart though, as you are, and so if I just explain to him what frustrated me or what faux pas he committed, he can learn for future similar situations. He has attended some kind of social clinic for awhile now, it seems to help a lot. He practices social stuff, etc.
I disagree that you don't have a personality. Like everyone except the catatonic, you have a distinct personality. Maybe it just doesn't show up as well in person.
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Blank_Wall
Member
Posts: 43
Registered: 02-09-2007 Location: Houston, TX
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posted on 03-30-2008 at 21:23 |
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I HATE COLD!!!
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I'm graduating from grad school in May and I'm planning on moving to AZ...
because I can't stand the winter.
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Is that the only reason for moving to Arizona?
It’s a lot of desert. I suppose it’s OK if you like sand and rock.
I HATE cold weather. My sinuses (allergies) start to act up whenever I breathe
cold air. I don’t know if it’s possible for someone to be allergic to cold,
but I am if it is.
Have you ever considered south Texas?
The economy is doing pretty well here, especially around The Woodlands.
If you prefer hot weather, you’d get plenty of it here. It snows here about once
every ten years, and the nighttime lows get below freezing about 6 or 7 nights
each winter on average.
... and there is a lot of trees and grass.
I know that the area around me is booming (unfortunately).
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What does IOW mean?
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In
Other
Words
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I don't know what I live for -- that would be great to find out! It would
probably help me find a career.
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What is your degree in?
Have you ever been to a career counselor?
I saw one with the Texas Workforce Commission:
http://www.twc.state.tx.us/
http://www.twc.state.tx.us/jobs/job.html
http://www.lmci.state.tx.us/
Although he wasn’t all that helpful. I want to get into applications development,
as one of my degrees is in Computer Science. My counselor told me that it wasn’t
likely that anyone would hire me, due to my background (or lack thereof), and was
trying to steer me towards bio-technology - which is an emerging field - and there
are several bio-tech labs in and around The Woodlands.
I’ve since decided to go against that advice, as I’ve been developing some
software that might enable me to make my own breaks - once I get it developed
to a certain point - along with some prototype systems.
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I do like having friends, though I prefer a few close friends to many
acquaintances. I'll make an effort when I move. Hopefully I'll meet some
people through work.
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I actually do have a few friends - sort of. I don’t hang out with them much
- and we don’t do things together very often - but they know me.
These are people that like to talk - and I’m a good listener - so it’s one of
THOSE kinds of relationships.
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You made me laugh with saying you're mean looking. I totally get that too.
I HATE it when people tell me to smile, though I haven't gotten that for a
few years. It's just my face! My internet's being stupid so I can't load
your pictures right now but I will later.
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Once you see it, you’ll see what I mean.
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I was actually thinking about my list of defects last night. Since you asked:
Anxiety/OCD, which is pretty well under control with medication, but when it
flares up, it irritates others by me being focused on myself, paranoid, and
emotionally needy, in that I constantly seek reassurance.
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You’re a nice person.
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Stubborn on some things
Indecisive
Lazy, sometimes
there's more, but I'm tired right now.
So see, everyone has a list.
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OK - not bad - but at least you’re not retarded.
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My brother has Asperger's. It's not a bad case but it is noticeable socially.
He's smart though, as you are, and so if I just explain to him what frustrated
me or what faux pas he committed, he can learn for future similar situations.
He has attended some kind of social clinic for awhile now, it seems to help a
lot. He practices social stuff, etc.
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I might get some counseling myself at some point. I’ve just got too much going
on at the present - and I cannot afford to have any more distractions from what
I need to get done. I’ve been working on this project for more than two years now
- mainly due to a lot of distractions that have nothing to do with software
development - and also due to a lot of technical problems that took a lot of time
to resolve - but also due to the magnitude of the project. It’s WAY past time for
me to get the ball rolling.
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I disagree that you don't have a personality. Like everyone except the catatonic,
you have a distinct personality. Maybe it just doesn't show up as well in person.
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It’s just that I tend to freeze up in social situations. I’ll try to have
a conversation with someone (or they try to have a conversation with me),
and I just go blank. It doesn’t matter if it’s an attractive female-type
person or not. Besides that, I tend to be verbally dyslexic. I’ll try to
engage in a discussion on a complex topic, and the words get all jumbled up
in my head. I tend to back-track a lot - and go off on tangents - and drift
away from the main point that I was trying to discuss at the outset.
I express myself in writing FAR better than verbally - when I have a chance
to organize my thoughts - and present them in a coherent manner.
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phoenixbird
Junior Member
Posts: 14
Registered: 03-04-2008 Location: SW Missouri
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posted on 04-01-2008 at 19:06 |
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re BW
I emailed you!
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LDSjay2
Junior Member
Posts: 14
Registered: 09-30-2007 Location:
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posted on 06-11-2008 at 10:11 |
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I value virginity!
You cannot imagine how I value virginity! You are not crazy, you are blessed.
You need to go out with me. You don't need to do or say any thing, just
come along. I'll take care of every thing, you can just have fun and relax.
Bring a friend and you will be safe and feel absolutely no pressure.
Easy...
I only wish we were closer. Maybe we could chat first, and some thing would
work out later?
I get hit on all the time by beautiful women, because I am tall, dark and
decent to look at, but they are all out for sex. Of course I want sex, I'm
a man, but... I am seeking a virgin woman. A rare diamond among common
stones, a fair budding flower set amidst the crowding weeds. Not to sound
mellodramatic, but I would cross deserts and traverse mountains to find one
such.
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Nicolas94
Newbie
Posts: 8
Registered: 09-09-2008 Location:
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posted on 09-09-2008 at 20:18 |
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What I think.
Hey umm phoenix, im a guy and im going to very honest and tell you that going out with some guys who Post how they only want to date virgins, who you met on the internet.. is Undeniably going to end badly.
Honestly I suggest you ask soem female friends if any of their guy friends are single.
This is coming from a guy with a neutral stand point, you cannot really know anyone you've met over the internet and remember NOONE tells people their biggest flaws online. Trust me on this one
So again my advice to you is too stop advertising your virginity, and find a guy irl who likes you for who you are.
best of luck to you
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newscctv
Newbie
Posts: 2
Registered: 09-15-2010 Location:
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posted on 09-15-2010 at 03:14 |
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hello
You cannot imagine how I value virginity! You are not crazy, you are blessed.
You need to go out with me. You don't need to do or say any thing, just
come along. I'll take care of every thing, you can just have fun and relax.
Bring a friend and you will be safe and feel absolutely no pressure.
Easy...
bridal gowns,
wedding gowns,
I only wish we were closer. Maybe we could chat first, and some thing would
work out later?
euro wedding dresses
plus size wedding dresses
I get hit on all the time by beautiful women, because I am tall, dark and
decent to look at, but they are all out for sex. Of course I want sex, I'm
a man, but... I am seeking a virgin woman. A rare diamond among common
stones, a fair budding flower set amidst the crowding weeds. Not to sound
mellodramatic, but I would cross deserts and traverse mountains to find one
such.
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