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BadlyDrawnFox
Newbie
Posts: 6
Registered: 04-11-2010 Location:
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posted on 04-11-2010 at 19:29 |
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A Litte Help Here?
I'm female, a virgin, and almost twenty. Only one guy has ever asked me out, and that was when I was fifteen.
I wonder if anyone could help me figure out why guys aren't interested in me.
I'm of reasonable intelligence, have a fair sense of humour, and am open minded.
I'm not physically unattractive, I don't think. About 5"4, eight stone, chin length brown hair, green-grey eyes, and a fairly average face.
Guys in clubs tend to offer to buy me drinks and ask me to dance, but I'd like to have a real relationship. I would never lose my virginity while drunk.
A friend of mine at uni did seem interested in me (and I was quite interested in him), but we got drunk together, fooled around some, and now I have no idea if the interest was genuine or not, and I feel awkward enough that I'd never pursue it. He's not made a move since, so clearly any interest has since waned.
So, anything in that biography that stands out as a reason I'm permanently single? A lot of the people here seem to be virgins by choice, and I am to some extent: I am waiting for a meaningful relationship, but no one wants one with me. If I knew what I needed to work on to be more appealing...
Perhaps guys out there could tell me what they find attractive in a girl. Even that would be quite helpful (if it's something I could hope to attain).
Cheers.
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moonlite
Member
Posts: 93
Registered: 07-20-2005 Location:
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posted on 04-12-2010 at 19:00 |
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Need Help
You should have no difficulty. You sound like a very normal girl with high moral standards, much like myself. I do not do very well as i am shy but occasinally find someone who interests me. I am also female virgin and would like to correspomd with you. I live in Arkansas USA. You may read my previous posts.
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BadlyDrawnFox
Newbie
Posts: 6
Registered: 04-11-2010 Location:
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posted on 04-13-2010 at 05:53 |
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re: Need Help
@moonlite
Hmmm... should have no difficulty, but evidently do. Nonetheless, your support is appreciated ^_^ Thanks for replying.
When you find someone you're interested in, how do you let them know you're interested? Or do you?
If you want to contact me, that's fine. I'm pretty sure my e-mail's up on my user info, and if not it's just my user name @googlemail.com.
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innocent_enough
Newbie
Posts: 4
Registered: 03-07-2010 Location: England
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posted on 05-04-2010 at 17:23 |
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In answer to your bibliography..
Oh, Badly Drawn Fox.
I'm having more or less exactly the same trouble that you're having. Well, if you'd like to call it trouble anyway. Hehe. I am twenty, a virgin and a guy who won't get with a girl if she's drunken, I'll have fun in the club, have a dance, get close and get intimate. But it's all nothing if it's not followed up, and that's where I fail.
The circumstances of that first connection you have with somebody is usually when you're out and you can't tell if their intentions are genuine or not. So, you sort of lose the confidence and lose the point. And it leaves you with no courage whatsoever to approach somebody normally and say. 'Hey, I'm interested in you. A lot. In fact, I'm secretly orgasming over you in my mind, right now.'
Perhaps I'm too open minded. (:
Anyways, somebody told me the other day, that I shouldn't spend my life searching for a golden virginia, that'll be perfect, because it's really rare to find somebody with those sorts of morals. But I shall continue to, cause I believe that it's the truth and there are girls in this world, (like you, I might add) that seem completely geniune.
Therefore, in answer to your biography, I would suggest that the best way to let someone know you're interested is to tell them, straight up. Find the heart and follow your naturally given impulses, if you're attracted to someone tell them, you've not much to lose. I should probably practice what I preach though, right? :)
Sorry for the essay but I hope I've given you some peace of mind. Xx
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BadlyDrawnFox
Newbie
Posts: 6
Registered: 04-11-2010 Location:
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posted on 05-05-2010 at 06:48 |
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@ innocent_enough
Sorry I've been remiss in replying. It's my end of year exam period, so practical concerns have taken precedence over personal ones.
Anyway, thanks for your reply. It was actually quite helpful. It's frustrating when no one seems to be interested in me so that I can establish that connection, but it's a comfort to know I'm not looking for some alien species and there are boys out there who wouldn't be put off by my waiting, which is maybe one of my biggest concerns in finally committing to someone.
You're sweet, and it's reassuring to hear from someone who has so clearly made the right choice in waiting. I'm not sure if you'll ever find your golden virginia, but I know you won't if you stop looking.
Good luck with the search, and thanks for the advice!
Maybe one day, I'll even follow up on it ;-)
Xx
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innocent_enough
Newbie
Posts: 4
Registered: 03-07-2010 Location: England
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posted on 05-05-2010 at 16:19 |
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@ Miss Fox..
It's almost exam time here too but I seem to be finding more time on my hands late at night, hence why I'm replying to you now. Hehe. There are lots of like-minded people out there, it's just when you find one, you have to grab them and not let go.
You'll have to attach a photo of yourself to a post, so I can pass judgement on your beauty. :P
I like to think I made the right choice, but obviously being an impulsive person and a boy, sometimes I do get the urge to just forget my morals, find the nearest girl (who's generally good looking) and make moves towards getting them in my bed.
But I never find the heart to do it to myself. It's too naughty..
Take the advice and use it, we're all helping each other. (:
Xx
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friend4354
Member
Posts: 33
Registered: 10-14-2008 Location:
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posted on 05-06-2010 at 08:42 |
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Mind made up
If you are determined to remain virgin until marriage you must have your mind made up before you get into an intimate situation. The answer is no, unitl you get a formal promise. This does not include a promise to make a formal promise (which would be an engagement).
If your reason for not having sex is because you haven't found anyone/the right one yet, you will not be virgin on your wedding night, guaranteed.
People who wait for their formal, lifelong partner are very special. We are also the object of derision and aggression by others. So, we are relegated to holding our morality in secret using whatever tactics we may have out there in socieity to placate the dominant attitude towards sex and marriage.
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BadlyDrawnFox
Newbie
Posts: 6
Registered: 04-11-2010 Location:
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posted on 05-07-2010 at 09:12 |
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In reply to my helpful advisors
@ innocent_enough
Solidarity is a comfort in itself. By this stage I'm no longer feeling as I was when I originally posted (though, obviously, it's a bit of a roller-coaster, and possibly I will end up back there after a marked lack of interest from potential suiters).
I admire you for sticking to your convictions despite temptation. I've had a couple of near misses where I nearly threw caution to the wind and thought, "Maybe waiting isn't worth it and I should get it over with," however I've always been reassured that waiting is the right choice.
From what I can tell, people who are in loving relationships enjoy sex more than people who have meaningless flings. You're as well making the most out of any aspect of life, and the most of sex seems to be founded in a strong emotional connection.
Definitely worth waiting for.
I'm not comfortable sharing my photograph on a public forum, especially one that attracts some of the creeps who've crawled out of the woodworks here on earlier posts. There are alternate means for you to judge me, though.
@ friend4354
Thank you for your input. The distinction you make is interesting, but I don't think it is universal. It is possible that not meeting the right one to have sex with includes the right one to marry, and it is very possible that this right one will be willing (or even want) to wait until marriage to have sex. In this way, the fact that I have remained a virgin because I have not met the right person yet does not guarantee that I will lose my virginity before my wedding night.
That said, I am not waiting until my wedding night to have sex. I am waiting until I am comfortable, in love, and personally ready. Although this may coincide with my wedding night, I actually think it's a good idea to have experienced sex with my partner before establishing a formal commitment, as it is possible that we will not be sexually compatible.
Obviously, this is not the path for everyone, and I admire you for having such strong convictions and sticking to them.
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friend4354
Member
Posts: 33
Registered: 10-14-2008 Location:
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posted on 05-08-2010 at 15:52 |
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Links for yhou
Hello BadlyDrawnFox.
Thanks for your comments. I am familiar with your views.
Take care.
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innocent_enough
Newbie
Posts: 4
Registered: 03-07-2010 Location: England
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posted on 05-09-2010 at 02:13 |
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Sex before Marriage. Dangerous much..
Well, it's always good to be sexually compatible before making that formal commitment before God. Because if you get married and you find out that the sex isn't actually that amazing. That's a problem.
And you can chastise me for putting a lot of emphasis on sex and not love but I'm sorry, if anything, amazing sex is another catalyst for love. And that's my opinion on it. But you've got to be, as Miss Fox says, ready, comfortable and some of the way, in love.
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BadlyDrawnFox
Newbie
Posts: 6
Registered: 04-11-2010 Location:
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posted on 05-09-2010 at 05:38 |
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Sex before Marriage
@ friend4354
Thank you the links. I found the first one, in particular, very interesting - the promotion of promiscuity as a way for women to 'take control' has always bothered me, as I think it's pretty obvious that those of us who choose to refrain from sex - for our own reasons - are far more in control than those of us who don't.
I will say, however, that her view of lesbianism was nowhere near as insightful, to the point where I wonder if she's ever actually spoken to a woman interested in her own sex.
Being a lesbian is not the same as shunning men, nor is it opting for 'sameness'. No two people are exactly alike, male OR female, so variety exists within any relationship. Being a lesbian involves sexual attraction to women, and no sexual attraction to men. That is it. It is not a statement or a lifestyle choice any more than being attracted to people with brown hair is.
I do not know if you share the writer's views, but if you do then I'm afraid we may have to agree to disagree. This is a sensitive area, for me, as it involves minority rights, including the right not to be judged on what you are, but rather who you are.
As for the second link, I'm afraid I found it somewhat sensationalist. Just because I want sex with emotional ties, does not mean everyone does or should, and just because I have not been ready for the emotional risks of having sex does not mean other people my age aren't.
Further, I don't think marriage necessitates a good relationship. I think encouraging people to wait until they are married to engage in intimacy will ultimately lead to them marrying younger, and hence there is a higher chance of them making a mistake.
Things in a marriage can of course be worked on, but there are some problems that cannot be healed.
I think educating young people on the risks involved in sex, beyond the physical, and allowing them to make their own choices is the right way forward. I know people who lost their virginity at 15 who don't regret it, and people who waited until marriage who do.
@ Innocent_enough
Thank you for your support :-) Feel free to jump ship at any time.
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Apps
Newbie
Posts: 2
Registered: 05-12-2010 Location:
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posted on 05-12-2010 at 21:33 |
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Hi, Badly Drawn Fox!
Would you like to date me BadlyDrawnFox, if you're still a virgin? I'm looking for a virgin woman for sex and dating.
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