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confusedincolorado
Newbie
Posts: 1
Registered: 03-02-2011 Location:
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posted on 03-02-2011 at 14:37 |
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I need help
I know that I am not as bad off as some of the people I have been reading about on here. But here is my dilemma and I just need some advice or someone to tell me that I am or am not overreacting.
My wife and I have been married for almost 10 years. We have 2 great kids (6 and 7 years old). We got married very young, I was almost 20, she was 19. I have a full time job and she is going to school full time. We have lived at my parent's house for one reason or another for a good part of our marriage.
Now on to my issue. It seems that no matter what I do, my wife is not happy. She gets mad at (what I think are) the most trivial things. I am no longer happy. I don't feel the same way I used to about her. I still love her because she is the mother to our children, but that spark (or whatever you want to call it) I felt when we got married is long gone. We fight all the time. She stays mad at me for varying lengths of time and then acts as if nothing is wrong. I am afraid to bring up things that bother me because they always seem to cause a fight and I am sick and tired of fighting. I hate fighting with her, especially around our kids. They have started to take sides and become vocal about "whose side we should take". Our fights are always "round-robin" where either I or my wife constantly brings up past events and issues into the fight. She is mad at me for not bringing up what bothers me when it happens, instead I always tend to bring them out when we fight. But as I said, I am afraid that what I say will actually START the fight. In the beginning of our marriage I had a very short affair...nothing serious happened but alot of flirting and 1 kiss, which at that stage in my marriage scared the crap out of me and I never saw the girl again. I felt guilt over this for years but never told my wife, convinced that she would leave me if she found out. Well, I eventually told her and we were rocky for a while but have managed to work through alot of the pain and trust issues.
I have lately been having thoughts of cheating again. I cannot and will not do that to her again. But I am not happy and these thoughts make me even less happy and less willing to work on our marriage. I need help badly. Any more information that you need, please ask and I will gladly give it. I just need someone to help me and tell me what I should do. Please.
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Trivi
Junior Member
Posts: 18
Registered: 12-08-2010 Location:
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posted on 03-03-2011 at 10:06 |
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Counseling?
Have you and your wife given counseling a try? Obviously you should both want to work through your problems since A) you obviously love each other and had a good relationship at one point and you have a family and want to do what is best for them. It seems like going to a counselor might give you both some perspective on what is happening in your relationship and things you can do to try and improve it. Having those thoughts about cheating are not going to end your marriage, unless you act on them. It's natural for men to think about other women, but the difference is when you act upon those thoughts, then lie to your wife about what you've done. I think a counselor would be able to make things seem more clear, as far as your problems and where they come from, and he/she will have some proven advice for ways to avoid fighting, be honest, and deal with marital problems while your children are around. Either way, I would do what you can to keep the relationship going - just because you don't feel that spark right now doesn't mean you guys can't get it back. Plus, you want to do what's best for your kids.
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